


The Replacement

by ZTNBooks



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Happy Ending, Langst, M/M, Post-Season Six, light fluff, shance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-19
Updated: 2018-07-25
Packaged: 2019-05-25 08:16:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14972963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZTNBooks/pseuds/ZTNBooks
Summary: Lance finds out the truth about the Shiro he was in love with; he was simply a clone. When the real Shiro returns to team Voltron and reveals he doesn't have any memories after being absorbed into the Black Lion, what is Lance to do? He still loves Shiro, but is the real Shiro at all like his clone? Lance must come to terms with the fact that things may never return to the way they were. Shiro and his clone may have the same body, but that doesn't mean they both love Lance in return.





	1. The Catalyst

Lance breathed in deeply, the smell of Shiro filling his lungs. He nestled closer to the warm body beside him, sleep trying desperately to pull him back into its embrace. He never would’ve imagined his life to turn out like this. He was a _paladin of Voltron_ , a giant _space robot_. He traveled to different planets! Aliens were real, and he lived with them! Best of all, he was dating Takashi Shirogane, his idol since his Garrison days. 

They’d started dating a few months ago. Well, it felt like a few months ago. It was hard to know exactly how long it’d been, given the fact that they didn’t have a star to revolve around. Regardless, the trust between Shiro and himself had only grown as time progressed. When Shiro had confessed to Lance that he hadn’t been feeling like himself lately, Lance had gone out of his way to make Shiro feel loved. He’d permanently moved into Shiro’s room. He’d even gone so far as moving his bed to Shiro’s room, pushing the two beds together so they could sleep next to one another each night. His relationship with Shiro was like a dream come true.

A soft chuckle disturbed him, pulling him away from the edge between rest and wakefulness. Shiro’s arms wrapped around him, holding him tightly. Lance peered up at the man holding him and got a lungful of morning breath for his efforts.

“Oh, quiznak, Shiro, your breath smells worse than those slime aliens we met!” Lance shook Shiro off of him, laughing the entire time.

“Lance! It’s not _that_ bad!” Shiro reached for Lance, but the other boy wriggled out of reach and hopped out of bed.

“It’s bad, Takashi. Please don’t come ANYWHERE near me until you’ve brushed your teeth!” With that, Lance scampered off into the bathroom, leaving Shiro scrambling behind him.

Lance washed his face and was pat drying it when Shiro finally entered the bathroom. He looped his arms around Lance’s waist and rested his chin on the other’s shoulder.

“Hey, handsome,” Lance chuckled, turning to give Shiro a peck on the cheek.

“Hey, yourself.”

Lance wrinkled his nose. “Okay, seriously, Shiro. Why is your breath so bad today?”

Shiro yawned leisurely which only worsened the situation. He nuzzled his head into the side of Lance’s neck, his eyes drifting closed.

“I forgot to brush my teeth last night. Too tired.”

“Ew…”

Lance turned his attention back to his morning skincare routine. He could see the little smirk on Shiro’s face in the mirror.

“What? You saying you don’t like my _morning breath_?” Shiro accented the last two words with huffing breaths right into Lance’s face.

Lance tried to escape, but Shiro held him securely, bathing him in rancid stink.

“Oh my god, Shiro! I hate you!”

“You love me.”

Lance turned his head to look at Shiro, his expression soft.

“Yeah. I do.”

 

“Good morning, you two!” Coran greeted them as they entered the command room. “Today’s the day! Allura and Lotor are going to enter the quintessence field.”

The entire crew was buzzing with nerves as they watched Allura and Lotor head into the field. Coran leaned anxiously towards the window, the concern clear on his face.

“So this is goodbye… for now,” he said softly.

Lance squeezed Shiro’s hand as they watched.

“Allura,” Lance spoke. 

“Yes, Lance?”

“Get back safe.”

“I will.”

Shiro pulled Lance to his side and Lance could swear he could hear Shiro’s heart beating a mile a minute. They were all on edge, unsure of what would happen once Allura and Lotor entered the quintessence field. This might be the last time they saw their beloved princess.

Coran began his countdown and they watched as the ship entered the field. All that was left to do was wait. Or so they thought.

“Coran, I’ve got an incoming craft,” Pidge announced. Lance whipped around to face her, stunned.

“Shields up. And pull it up on screen,” Shiro said.

Coran nodded, doing just that.

“That… That can’t be,” Coran breathed out, his eyes wide. “It’s an Altean pod! A really old one!”

“What’s it doin’ out here?” Lance asked. 

Shiro squeezed his hand tightly before speaking again. “Let’s find out. Attention, Altean pod, identify yourself.”

The screen changed and an image of none other than Keith Kogane appeared on the screen.

“Shiro, it’s Keith.”

“Keith! A-Are you okay?” Shiro stammered.

“Where have you been?” Pidge exclaimed.

Coran piped up with, “How did you get your hands on that pod?”

Lance looked up at Shiro, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion. “Does he look bigger to you? He’s bigger, right? No?”

Shiro didn’t answer him, too focused on the screen in front of them.

“Where’s Lotor?” Keith demanded.

“He’s in the quintessence field,” Hunk replied.

“Oh no.” Keith’s jaw tightened. “I’m docking. We’ve got to stop Lotor.” With that, he cut the communication line.

“Stop Lotor? What is he talking about?” Hunk wondered aloud.

“I don’t know. But it can’t be good.” Pidge shook her head, turning to make her way towards the hangar.

Shiro’s brows creased in worry as he turned away, letting go of Lance’s hand. He followed the rest of the crew down to the hangar, leaving Lance to watch as he walked away.

Lance glanced back up at the screen, now just displaying its usual tech nonsense. This didn’t bode well with him. He swiveled away from the screen, heading towards the landing dock with the rest of the paladins.

 

The pod landed gracefully, a puff of air blowing up as it did so. The top of it popped open and Keith jumped out, a look of determination on his face.

“Keith, it’s so good to see you.” Shiro leaned forward as if he was going to go hug Keith, but Lance stepped forward before Shiro could.

“Hold on,” he said, walking towards the half-Galra, “How do we know you’re the real Keith and not his bigger, cooler, grizzled older brother?”

Keith held up a hand to shut him up, walking right past him. “I don’t have time for this Lance.” 

Lance blinked, turning to watch as Keith strode past him. That hurt a little, but it was to be expected from his rival. “Hey, everybody, Keith’s back!”

Lance caught Shiro’s eye over Keith’s shoulder.

“Bigger, cooler, grizzled older brother?” Shiro mouthed.

Lance grimaced, shrugging apologetically. He probably shouldn’t have said something like that in front of his _actual boyfriend_. His flirty habits were hard to break.

Keith stood before the rest of the paladins. “We need to stop Lotor. He’s been lying to all of us!”

Shiro blinked, confused. “Wh- Lying about what?”

“Everything!” chimed in a new voice.

Lance turned to see who had spoken.

“You’re- You’re Altean!” Coran exclaimed.

“And who’s the Galran?!” Lance gawked.

“Is that a wolf…?”

“Where did you come from?”

Keith turned back to the group. “I promise I’ll explain everything once we get to Lotor.”

“We can’t get to him,” said Pidge, “He just entered the quintessence field with Allura.”

“We traveled through realities before. Can’t we fly in there and attack?” asked Keith.

Lance stood to the side of Keith now, engaged in the conversation. “She said Allura is with him. We can’t risk hurting her.”

Hunk held up both hands questioningly. “Why are we even attacking?”

“Look, Keith- Everyone, calm down,” Shiro intervened, ever the leader. “When they return, we’ll get this all sorted out.”

They made their way back up to the main deck, Keith and company now in tow.

“Lance is right. You have changed,” Shiro noted.

“Time is different where I’ve been,” Keith said bluntly.

“Shiro, I am Krolia,” the Galran stated, “Keith has told me all about you. Thank you for raising him to be the man he is today.” Krolia grasped Shiro’s forearm in thanks.

“Krolia is with the Blade of Marmora,” Keith explained. “Also… she’s my mother.”

Shiro’s eyes widened noticeably, his jaw nearly dropping in shock. But he managed to recompose himself. “It’s an honor to meet you.”

“What?! Okay, this is nuts!” Lance burst out. “You come back with your _Galra mom_ , a _wolf_ , and an _Altean_?!”

Coran nodded. “Yes, I’m still waiting to hear the story of how you found this Altean.”

“And why we should be attacking Lotor,” Hunk added.

“This is Romelle,” said Keith, “and I think she should tell her own story.”

 

Just as Romelle finished her story, the screen behind them beeped, signaling Lotor and Allura’s return.

“They’re back.”

“What are you waiting for? Open fire!” demanded Romelle.

“No!” Lance exclaimed, “Princess Allura is with him!”

Hunk tensed up in fear. “We’re gonna let him back onboard?”

“We must! As long as the Princess is with him, we cannot risk any sort of attack,” Coran explained.

“Coran and Lance are right. We can’t do anything until the Princess is safe. Once Allura is secure, we _will_ take Lotor down.” Shiro said. “Everybody, get ready.”

They positioned themselves in an arch around the door, waiting to see their princess again as she walked through the doors with a murderer.

“What’s going on?” asked Allura. The confusion was plain on her face.

Keith and Krolia positioned themselves being Allura and Lotor, their weapons drawn. Lance summoned his bayard as well, his eyes trained on the Galran prince.

“Allura, step away from Lotor,” Lance commanded.

“I will do no such thing. Tell me what’s happening here.”

“Lotor is a monster and has been harvesting Altean quintessence for generations!” Romelle cried.

“An Altean!”

Romelle’s glare was angry enough to kill. “You killed my brother and thousands of others.”

“Lotor has been lying to us the whole time. He’s a murderer, just like his father!” Pidge exclaimed.

Lotor’s expression twisted into one of anger. “You know nothing about what you speak.”

“What are they talking about?” Allura asked Lotor.

“Allura, listen to me. I’ve dedicated my life to preserving Altean culture. Now that we have unlocked the quintessence field all of your people, who would have been hunted down long ago, had it not been for my intervention, can live in peace. Were some lives lost in the process? Yes. But they were martyrs to a noble cause. I sacrificed a few to preserve the future for millions. Allura, do not let this ruin everything we’ve worked for. Think of what we experienced in the quintessence field.” Lotor reached out a hand to Allura, but she didn’t want to hear another word he said.

Allura grabbed Lotor’s hand, swinging him up over her head and slamming his body into the ground. He bounced off the floor, his body going limp as he lost consciousness.

Suddenly the alarm began beeping.

“The hangar’s been breached!”

“It’s Lotor’s troops,” said Hunk, panic filling his voice, “They’re stealing the ships!”

Just when it seemed that nothing else could go wrong, Shiro screamed, falling to his knees.

“Shiro?!”

“What’s happening to him?”

Lance could only look on with concern, unsure of how to help his boyfriend. He had to step up, he had to do something!

“Allura and I will secure Lotor. Hunk, help Shiro. Everyone else, get down to the hangar and stop those guys.” This was all Lance could do for now. He had limited medical knowledge, but he knew Hunk would be able to help Shiro. He had to step up as the leader, he had to-

The next thing he knew, Hunk was flying halfway across the deck and slamming into Coran.

“Shiro, what are you-”

“Lance!” Allura screamed, watching as Shiro’s fist hit Lance square in the chest. Shiro turned his attention to her, throwing his bayard. Then, everything went dark.


	2. The Return

How had it come to this? How had this **happened**?

Lance kneeled over Shiro’s- no, Shiro’s _clone’s_ body. “I’m so sorry, Shiro. I- I didn’t know. I could’ve-”

Lance sobbed, tears streaming down his face. He couldn’t believe he’d been so close to saving Shiro from the astral plane, so close to bringing him back to then. He’d failed Shiro. He’d failed the team. He’d-

Allura rested a hand on his shoulder comfortingly. Lance looked up to see her sympathetic gaze on him. She must’ve understood what he was going through; the pain of losing someone you loved due to unforeseen circumstances.

Then Allura stood, moving towards the black lion, her steps as graceful as ever. She stood before the lion, placing her hands on its snout. The lion began to glow, an eerie purple hue flowing through it and into Allura. 

The team watched with bated breath as a now glowing Allura made her way back to them, placing her hands onto Shiro’s clone’s temples. The purple glow transferred to Shiro before gently dissipating, leaving his hair white.

Shiro sat up, coughing hard before collapsing into Keith.

The lions roared in unison, celebrating the return of the leader, their roars deafening to the paladins below. Lance watched as Shiro’s eyes fluttered open.

“You found me,” he said softly, his gaze directed at Lance.

“We’re glad you’re back, Shiro,” Keith replied.

“Rest,” Allura breathed.

Shiro gave a small sigh before closing his eyes again. Lance felt his chest tighten at the sight. The overwhelming guilt of not being the one to help Shiro couldn’t be washed away by the relief of having him back.

“So what are we gonna do? The castle is destroyed.” Hunk’s words snapped Lance out of his thoughts. 

“There’s only one place that has the plans necessary to build a replacement for the Castle of Lions. Coran gave them to my dad,” Pidge piped up.

Keith laid Shiro back down again, standing to face the rest of the team. “We’re going home.”

 

 

The team made camp for the night, surrounded by the lions. They had enough food with them to last at least a couple of weeks, but they’d have to find more food before making their journey to Earth. But for tonight, at least, they were going to take it easy and let Shiro rest. Without a healing pod, it would take a little longer for him to get back to 100%.

Keith had balled up his old jacket under Shiro’s head as a makeshift pillow. Lance had used _his_ jacket to cover Shiro’s body like a blanket. He hadn’t left his boyfriend’s side since they’d gotten him back. Lance felt paranoid that’s Shiro’s breathing would cease at any second, and Lance would lose him all over again. But so far, he’d just been sleeping peacefully. 

“Everything alright, bud?” Hunk asked, walking over to Lance with two bowls in hand. He sat beside the blue paladin, passing over one of the bowls of food goo.

Lance accepted the food graciously, his stomach growling at the sight of it. “Yeah, yeah. I’m just…” He sighed heavily. “I don’t know, Hunk. I feel like I should’ve done more for him. He contacted me in the astral plane and I didn’t even realize that he was trapped.”

Hunk put an arm around Lance, pulling him close. “Don’t stress about it, Lance. You did the best that you could.”

“Still…” Lance looked down at Shiro again, running his fingers through his now-white hair. He was warm, he was there, and he was alive. Lance should’ve been brimming with joy, but instead, he felt like crying. 

“Hey, I’m sure everything will go back to normal when he wakes up. Shiro and Lance, power couple of the universe.” Hunk ruffled a hand in Lance’s hair, smiling softly.

Lance mustered up a small smile too. “Yeah. Me and Shiro.”

They sat in silence for a while, finishing up their food goo. They were bathed in soft light from a nearby star and it could almost pass for the sunset back on Earth. Hunk finished his meal shortly after Lance, holding out a hand to take Lance’s bowl.

“Oh, thanks Hunk.” Lance handed over the dirtied dish, watching as Hunk stood to put it away.

He looked back down at Shiro, who had now rolled onto his side, facing away from Lance.

Hunk returned from his lion, where he’d stashed the dishes. “Do you wanna turn in for the night? I can help you carry Shiro to your lion.”

Lance looked up at him, surprised. “He can stay with me?”

Hunk shrugged. “Well, Allura and Romelle are in Blue, Keith’s in Black, Pidge’s in Green, Krolia insisted on sleeping out under the stars, and Coran and I are in Yellow. It only makes sense for Shiro to stay with you, right? He is your boyfriend, after all.”

Lance nodded silently, unable to voice his silent fears to Hunk. Something felt wrong about this, but he couldn't put his finger on it.

“Come on, let’s see if we can get him in Red without waking him up.”

Hunk shifted Shiro’s upper half into his grip, waiting for Lance to get his legs.

Together, they hefted the sleeping man up into the red lion, laying him on the pilot’s seat. Hunk lowered the seat back until it sat parallel to the floor; a makeshift bed.

“I’ll go grab Keith’s jacket. Shiro can keep using it as a pillow,” said Hunk. “Did you bring your bedding from the castle-ship?”

Lance nodded and motioned to the rear of the lion. “It’s back there.”

Hunk gave him a thumbs up and then headed back out to retrieve Keith’s jacket. While he did that, Lance walked through the double doors at the back of the cockpit and gathered up his blankets and pillow.

Both he and Hunk arrived back at the cockpit at the same time. Lance laid out a blanket on the ground and plopped his pillow down on it as well. He placed the second blanket on top and then went to take Keith’s jacket from Hunk.

“Alright. I’m gonna turn in for the night. Let me know if you or Shiro need anything.”

“Yeah. Thanks, buddy.”

Hunk pulled Lance into a quick hug before leaving Red.

Lance turned his attention back to Shiro. He lifted Shiro’s head, slipping Keith’s jacket underneath. He brushed the hair back from Shiro’s forehead. He looked so peaceful like this. Lance hadn’t seen him sleeping so peacefully in a long while. His jaw wasn’t tensed like it normally was, his eyebrows not furrowed. His face was bathed in the warm red light emanating inside Red. The color softened the shadows under his eyes, smoothed out the worry lines on his face.

Lance leaned down and kissed his cheek before turning in for the night. As he snuggled beneath his blankets, he thanked whatever powers above had allowed him to have his beloved back.

 

 

Lance awoke in the middle of the night to Shiro screaming. He jolted upwards, immediately rushing to Shiro’s side.

He knelt down beside the other, running a hand over Shiro’s cheek. “Shiro. Shiro, wake up. It’s okay, you’re okay.”

Shiro’s eyes snapped open and he gasped, his body tensing as he jerked awake. “Keith?”

“No, Shiro, it’s me, Lance.” Lance removed his hand from Shiro’s face, smoothing down his arm instead. Shiro sat up dazedly.

“Lance? Why am I- what’s going on?”

“You were screaming. I think you had a nightmare. Are you okay?”

Shiro raised his arm to rub at his eyes and Lance’s hand was displaced. Lance let his hand hover near Shiro, unsure how to comfort him. He wished the pilot’s seat was wider so he could climb atop it and join Shiro on the makeshift bed and cuddle him like he had when Shiro had suffered nightmares before.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. I just- Where’s Keith?”

Lance sat back on his heels. Shiro swung his legs over the side of the seat so that he could look down at where Lance was seated.

“Um, he’s in his lion. It’s the middle of the night, or close to it, at least. You’ve been asleep since Allura brought you back from inside the black lion. Are you hungry? Do you need to use the bathroom? I can get you whatever you need.” Lance rested his hand over Shiro’s, rubbing small, soothing circles into his skin.

Shiro shook his head. “No, no, I’m fine.” He smiled reassuringly. Then he looked around the cockpit, confusion written all over his face. “Why am I in the red lion?” he asked. 

“Hunk thought you’d be most comfortable here, with me.”

Shiro just blinked at him.

“I mean, we _have_ been sleeping in the same room for months now,” Lance continued.

“Are you sure you don’t have me confused with… someone else?”

Lance froze. “What?”

“I don’t remember us sleeping in the same room. At all. Did something happen while I was inside the black lion?”

Now it was Lance’s turn to blink at Shiro in confusion. “What do you mean, “did something happen”? How can you not remember?”

“Lance, I wasn’t here for the past- well, I don’t know how long. If something happened, you’re going to have to fill me in.”

Lance’s hand slid off of Shiro’s and he could only stare dumbfoundedly up at him. “You… don’t remember.”

“I remember fighting Zarkon and being in the astral plane. I remember trying to- to reach out to you. To anyone, really. Then Keith was there, and I helped him get to you guys. Next thing I knew, Allura was bringing me back.” Shiro averted his gaze from Lance’s face, instead staring at a spot on the floor beside the boy.

Lance laughed nervously. “Shiro, if this is a joke, it isn’t funny.”

Shiro shook his head. “I don’t know how to make it more clear to you, Lance. The Shiro that was with you guys before was a clone. Wait, did he _do_ something to you?”

The look on Shiro’s face was one of pure horror, his eyes locking with Lance’s. “Lance, did he hurt you?”

Lance sat up straighter, alarmed at Shiro’s intense reaction. “No! No, you didn’t- I mean, _he_ , didn’t hurt me. It’s… it was something different.” Then, softer, “It was something different.”

Shiro relaxed at that, his shoulders dropping from their tense state. “Oh, okay. I’m glad to hear that. I’m sorry if my presence is bringing up any bad memories. I would never hurt you, Lance. I hope you know that. My clone wasn’t, and isn’t, _me_. If he did something to you, well, it’s over now. That much is certain.”

Lance couldn’t stop the tears that formed when he heard those words. It was over. This Shiro wasn’t _his_ Shiro. _His_ Shiro was gone. Dead. Just like their relationship. Those countless happy memories of him and Shiro together. The nights spent holding one another close, listening to the heartbeat of the other… It was all gone.

“Are you okay?” Shiro placed his hand on Lance’s shoulder. The familiar touch made him want to puke. It was the same body. The one he’d held in the middle of the night, sparred with on the training deck and admired the appearance of. It was the same body, but not the same person.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He couldn’t stop the tears streaming down his face, or the sobs racking his body. “I couldn’t save you. I couldn’t-”

Shiro gripped his chin, tilting his face upwards. But Lance couldn’t look at him. He closed his eyes, feeling the wetness building behind his eyelids, yet he couldn’t bring himself to look at Shiro. Shiro, who wore the same face as the one he’d loved.

“Lance. It wasn’t your fault. There’s nothing you could have done. I was stuck inside Black. You couldn’t have known that.”

Lance shook his head, though he couldn’t voice what he was really crying about. Or rather, who he was really crying about. He couldn’t save his Shiro, the one who’d been a clone. The one who’d _died_.

“Maybe it’s better if I sleep somewhere else for the night…?” Shiro proposed, his voice but a soft whisper. He’d long since removed his hand from Lance’s face to instead smooth through his hair comfortingly.

Lance wiped away his tears with the back of his hand and nodded shakily. “Yeah. Sorry, Shiro.”

Shiro wiped away a stray bit of wetness from Lance’s face that he’d missed. “Don’t apologize. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

 

Keith shuffled out of Black tiredly only to see Lance and Shiro standing just inside Black’s mouth, the light of a nearby star barely illuminating them.

“What’s going on, you two?” he asked. The closer he got, the more he could see of Lance’s puffy, reddened eyes and Shiro’s pitiful gaze.

“Sorry to bother you, Keith. Is it alright if I sleep in your lion for the rest of the night?”

Keith stopped in front of the pair, noting Shiro holding both his and Lance’s jackets. “Yeah, of course. She’s your lion as much as she is mine.”

Shiro nodded in acknowledgment. He gave Lance a quick pat on the back before making his way into the lion.

Lance watched him go. He wrapped his arms around himself, hoping that maybe he could hold himself together by sheer force. He wanted to cry for the next hundred years, and he probably could. Seeing Shiro walk away was too painful, yet he couldn’t tear his eyes away. Thankfully, Shiro entered the lion and disappeared from sight.

Lance turned to leave.

“Lance, wait.” Keith said, surprising him. He’d almost forgotten about the half-Galra’s presence. “Is something wrong?”

“No.”

Keith leveled him with a dubious look.

Lance sighed. “Yes.”

Keith crossed his arms across his chest, waiting for an explanation.

“Shiro’s back,” Lance stated.

“No shit.”

Lance pouted, glaring at Keith. “I mean, he’s _back_. Which means his clone is gone.”

“Okay? Did you guys have some sort of couple’s fight or something about it? If you don’t want to talk about it then that’s fine. I was just asking to be nice.”

Lance groaned in exasperation. “No, Keith. His clone is dead. He doesn’t know anything about what happened within the team while he was stuck inside Black. He doesn’t know about… us.”

Keith’s eyes widened, his eyebrows shooting up. “Oh. OH. You mean he-”

Lance nodded. “He’s not the same person. Literally not the same person. He doesn’t have a clue about me and him. I mean, me and his clone.”

Keith’s arms dropped from their crossed position. He started toward Lance, trying to figure out a way to console him, but the other boy stepped back, closing himself off.

“Lance, that- I don’t know what to say. That sucks.”

Lance huffed out a breath. “Yeah. Sucks.” Then he looked back at Keith, a serious expression on his face. “Please don’t tell him what happened, Keith. I don’t want him to know that I was- That I was in love with him.”

Keith shook his head. “I won’t. Not if you don’t want me to.”

“Can- can you make sure nobody else tells him either? I think it’s best if I just try to forget that it ever happened.”

“I can do that.”

Lance gave him a weak half-smile. “Thanks, Keith. Sorry to bother you in the middle of the night.” He turned away, stepping out of Black’s jaw and making his way back to Red.

“Lance!” Keith called from behind him.

Lance spun around to see the other boy standing a short ways behind him. “Yeah?”

“If you ever want to talk about it, you can. This team is like a family. Don’t keep things bottled up, okay? I know what it’s like to lose someone you loved. Don’t hesitate to talk to us. We’re here for you.”

“Thanks, Keith. I’ll keep that in mind.”


	3. The Empathy

Lance was the last one to leave his lion the next morning. He definitely wasn’t the last to wake up, seeing as how he’d spent all night tossing and turning. He’d been thinking too hard, crying too hard, if he was honest. But could you blame him? Shiro was dead. But… not? It was too much for Lance to think about. All he wanted to do was curl up with his boyfriend and cry, but he couldn’t because, well, he wasn’t there. He wasn’t anywhere for that matter. He was gone.

Lance shook off the thought as he walked out of Red. He didn’t want to start crying in front of the team. It would just dredge up the rest of the emotions he’d been wrestling with. Everyone else would be ecstatic over the fact that the real Shiro was back and he couldn’t ruin that for them.

Lance took in the sight before him. The light was still warm and dim like a giant incandescent bulb was shining on them through a lampshade. They were still on the same, unmoving small planet, the Lions still positioned as they’d been when they’d first landed there. The lions had created a forcefield around them that somehow changed the atmosphere to be safe. It was similar to the forcefield that Blue had made when she’d been on Earth. Lance didn’t know how exactly it worked, but he wasn’t going to question a good thing.

The rest of the team was seated in a cluster in the middle of the lions, eating breakfast. Shiro seemed to be in the center of the cluster, with everyone else seeming to fawn over him. But when Hunk saw Lance approaching, he broke off from the group and came running towards his friend.

“Lance! Good morning!”

Lance forced out a smile, rubbing at his puffy eyes. He’d changed out of his spandex under-armor and into his everyday clothes, as had Hunk, who had slung an arm around his shoulder.

“Mornin’,” Lance greeted. The two of them walked towards the group together.

Hunk leaned in towards Lance’s ear. “Hey, Keith filled us in on what happened. Are you okay?”

Lance stiffened under Hunk’s touch, feeling a fresh wave of tears threatening to spill over.

“Sorry, sorry. I didn’t mean to-” Hunk started.

It was too late, though. Hot tears spilled down Lance’s face, tracing the same paths they’d traveled last night. The other’s quickly took notice; Coran, Allura, and Pidge rushing to him. Shiro started to stand, but Keith stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. Confused, he sat back down, but the concern didn’t leave his face.

Coran, Allura, Pidge, and Hunk formed a tight circle around him, petting him softly. Pidge’s arms wrapped around his midsection, her little face pressed into his side.

“Are you alright, Lance?” Allura asked, her voice barely breaking a whisper.

Lance nodded, then, thinking better of it, shook his head. He squeezed his eyes shut, yet the tears didn’t cease. Not even the encompassing warmth of his friends could cure the ache in his chest. He wrapped his arms around Pidge, sobbing into her hair.

They stayed like that for a while, Coran flitting about before settling to run a hand up and down Lance’s back. Hunk held him and Pidge, his long arms able to wrap around both of their small bodies. Allura smoothed a hand through his hair, keeping it away from the sticky wetness of his face. She shushed him gently, her voice gentle.

Finally, Lance was able to quiet himself to a couple hiccuping sobs every now and then. He squeezed Pidge tighter before separating himself from all of them. He pulled a couple tissues from his jacket pocket, dabbing delicately at his cheeks.

“You okay, buddy?” Hunk asked.

Lance nodded, feeling like the lump in his throat had been soothed by the love of his friends. “Yeah, I- Thanks, guys. I really needed that.”

“Do not hesitate to seek us out if you need comfort,” Coran said. “We’ve already been informed by Keith of the situation. If you wish to talk about it, I can assure you we will be here to listen.”

Another uncontrollable hiccup escaped Lance, but he managed to smile at Coran nonetheless. He really was blessed to have such amazing people at his side.

Together, they made their way back to Shiro, Keith, Krolia, and Romelle. Allura and Coran went back to where they had previously been, but Pidge and Hunk sat right next to Lance, squishing him between them. It made him feel safe to be surrounded by them. It felt like they could somehow squeeze him back into that happy place he’d been in only a couple of days ago.

“Hey, Lance. Are you feeling alright?”

Lance stiffened at the familiar voice, nearly breaking out into another round of sobs. Pidge and Hunk’s presences reassured him, though, and he was able to pull himself together.

“I’m fine, Shiro. Sorry if I worried you.” He looked up, making eye contact with the Black Paladin. It hurt to see the look on Shiro’s face. He was so genuinely concerned. He must’ve known that Lance’s recent sob-fest had _something_ to do with him after last night, even if he had no idea why. It wasn’t his fault, yet Lance couldn’t bear to look him in the eyes for more than a couple of seconds. He averted his eyes from Shiro’s face, unable to face the pain of seeing Shiro worried about him.

Before he could spiral back into his thoughts, Hunk pushed a spoon up to his lips. “Here, Lance, you must be hungry.”

Lance blinked, surprised, but allowed Hunk to feed him a bite of food goo. He swallowed thickly. “Hunk, I’m not really hungry, you don’t have to-”

He was cut off when Pidge shoved the straw of a water pouch into his mouth.

“Drink,” she commanded. He did, accepting the liquid gratefully.

Before he could talk again, Hunk was pressing the spoon to his mouth again. He continued doing so, shoveling food into Lance’s mouth almost faster than he could eat it. Before long, he’d finished a whole bowl of food goo and an entire water pouch. Hunk and Pidge smiled at him, praising him for eating up all his food. He began to feel like a small child with Hunk and Pidge as his doting parents. At least he felt better than he had when he’d first walked out of his lion.

“We need to get moving,” Keith said suddenly, addressing the entire group. “We’ve got to find somewhere to stay while we work out how we’re going to get to Earth. It’s going to be a long trip.”

“Coran, do you know of any planets nearby where we could hunker down?” Shiro asked.

All eyes turned to Coran as he twirled his mustache thoughtfully. “Hmm. Considering where we are… There may be a planet a few quintants away, though I don’t know how we’ll navigate there.”

“Isn’t there navigation in the lions?” Pidge asked.

Coran laughed. “Right you are Number Five. How could I have forgotten?”

 

 

Coran helped Hunk find the planet on the navigation system and sent the coordinates to each of the paladins. After a bit of food and water rationing, they were off. It would take around five days to reach the planet they were searching for. That was with an eight-hour break every night, of course.

Lance was alone in Red as they made their journey through the galaxy. It was nice to be alone with his lion, but it also left him alone with his thoughts for a long while. He could have tuned into the comms with the rest of the paladins, but he opted not to. He didn’t think he could try and have a happy conversation at the moment.

Lance let Red take over flying for most of the journey, choosing instead to occupy himself with feeding Kaltenecker, who he brought out from the back of the lion. He’d left her with food and water, but it was nice to feed her by hand once in a while.

“Red?” Lance said aloud.

Red rumbled in reply, a questioning hum.

“Do you think it's wrong of me to- to wish that Shiro was still here?”

Red’s voice resonated within him. _You speak of Shiro’s clone, the one you were in love with?_

“Yeah.” Lance plucked up another chunk of grass-like vegetation for Kaltenecker.

 _I think it is only natural that you miss that which is now gone. I miss my old Paladin, and neither you nor Keith can fix that, though I care for you both._

Kaltenecker licked Lance’s hand and he grimaced, wiping his hand off on his jeans. “You’re talking about Allura’s father?”

Red purred her agreement. _I care for you just as much as I cared for him and just as much as I cared for Keith. But his death still affects me, even to this day. I’m sure Blue cares for and misses you, even as Allura pilots her. It is not wrong to miss that which has passed._

“I just feel like it's wrong for me to want MY Shiro back. Everybody else is so happy that the real Shiro is back. They're so nice to me already. I feel bad that I can't be happy like them.”

Red cooed softly, the sound comforting and empathetic. _You loved him. You cannot change the fact that you miss him, little one. Perhaps you should speak to him about it._

Lance straightened up. “TALK to him about it?! No way! I can't!”

 _Why not?_

“Well, what if he- what if he gets disgusted by me? What if he thinks that I’m… gross for being in love with his clone?”

 _And why would he think so unkindly of you, my kitten?_

“Red. His clone literally turned evil and tried to kill Keith! I was in love with evil!”

Red growled, her displeasure evident. _You were not in love with that side of him. You knew him as he is now. You knew him as Shiro. The twisted things that he ended up doing have nothing to do with that. You could not have known. None of the others knew. Do not blame yourself for things beyond your control. Surely, he will find out eventually. Is it not better he hear it from you?_

Lance sighed, petting Kaltenecker as she laid at his feet. “I would rather he never found out about what happened.”

Red grumbled disapprovingly, but she didn’t argue with him.

“I guess you're right, Red. I didn’t know he was a clone back then. I thought he was just… Shiro. But that doesn't change the fact that he turned out to be evil.”

 _There are some things you simply cannot change._

Lance sighed. “I know.”

 _Think on it. Perhaps you will find it is easier to speak to him than you thought._

“I doubt it.”

Red was quiet after that, leaving Lance to his own thoughts. But every time he started to feel bad about his situation, she would purr gently, easing his mind and his heart. Lance was grateful for her soothing presence, as well as Kaltenecker’s. He slid off his seat and curled up on the floor next to the cow, throwing a blanket over himself. Maybe it was weird to cuddle with his cow, but nothing about his life had been normal lately, so he couldn’t bring himself to care.

He awoke a couple of hours later to the soft rumble of a lion surrounding him. Red had somehow warmed up the cockpit, making him feel like he was enveloped in a hug from her. Kaltenecker had gotten up and wandered her way into the back of the lion, presumably to eat.

He rolled to the side, picking up his helmet and sliding it over his head, activating his comms.

Pidge’s voice came through immediately and Lance heard her say, “-and that’s why Star Wars is still a huge cinematic success, even after all these years.”

“What are you guys talking about?” asked Lance.

“Oh, hi Lance,” Hunk greeted. “Pidge and I are explaining Earth things to Romelle. She's pretty interested in how different our cultures are.”

“Altean tech is highly advanced, but it seems our entertainment is far below the level of Earth’s,” said Romelle. “I’m very interested in this space adventure known as ‘Star Wars’.”

“It was one of my favorite movie franchises when I was growing up,” Hunk admitted. “Lance and I used to watch it together on the weekends.”

Lance chuckled, remembering those nights fondly. “Hunk went crazy for the original series. He wasn’t a big fan of the newer movies.”

“You’ll have to watch it with us when we get to Earth,” Pidge said.

“That sounds like it will be fun,” Romelle agreed.

“Hey, guys. What’s going on?”

Pidge replied, “Hey, Shiro. We’re just talking about Star Wars.”

Lance ripped off his helmet, tossing it aside.

“Red?”

She rumbled in acknowledgment, sensing his distress.

“I don’t think I can do this.”


	4. The Talk

Okay, so maybe having a cow in his lion for five days wasn’t a good idea…

Every night, Lance was left shoveling manure out of Red, who didn’t much appreciate being shit in. Thankfully, she had some built-in cleaning agents that helped rinse everything right out and off the floor. It wasn’t a water hose, per se, but more like a compressed air tube with some sort of magical cleaning stuff in it. It got rid of the smell and the residue, so Lance counted it as a blessing.

Kaltenecker seemed content to roam about the relatively small space. He’d been afraid that she’d get restless being in Red for so long, but she seemed fine just hanging out with him.

During the day, he’d talk to Red about his family, Shiro, or even about what kinds of things she had done over 10,000 years ago. He couldn’t bear to put his helmet back on, scared that he’d hear Shiro again. It hurt too much to hear his voice. Instead, he busied himself with organizing his things, or any menial task he could do, really.

They arrived at the planet, Naefall, just as planned.

Lance rushed out of Red almost as soon as they landed. His feet hit softly on the ground, pale orange dust kicking up around him. They’d landed in a large clearing. Around them, the orange surface of the planet was barely visible under the thick foliage. Pale colored flower-like plants blew gently in the breeze. Everything about Naefall was a pale pastel color; a strong contrast to the loud colors of the lions.

“Where are all the people?” Hunk’s voice startled Lance. He hadn’t even known the yellow paladin was there.

“This planet has never been inhabited by intelligent life,” Coran piped up, bounding out of Blue.

“Never inhabited by intelligent life? Why haven't the Galra taken control of it yet?” Pidge asked.

“It appears that the planet is useless to them. Without locals to mine or forage for materials, there is no reason to take over. The Galra do not desire the materials here if they do not have someone to retrieve them for them.”

Romelle’s voice carried over them, “But why didn't they harvest the quintessence from the planet itself?”

"Yeah. You'd think they'd at least exploit the planet for that," Pidge mused.

"Maybe they're at an impasse. They want the raw materials here, but they can't get them. And they want the quintessence, but they don't want to destroy the entire planet for it; not when there are still so many resources," Lance said.

"That's a really good point, Lance," Shiro commented.

Lance gave him a strained smile before turning away quickly. He didn't want Shiro to be nice to him. He didn't want to feel like Shiro was taking pity on him. Not that he was, of course. He didn't even know _why_ Lance had been avoiding him. Shiro had always been so nice to him, to everybody. But now it just felt like a reminder of what- scratch that- _who_ he'd lost. It felt like Shiro was just being nice to him because he felt sorry for him, which of course wasn't true. He couldn't have known how much this was affecting Lance and how much he was suffering, and Lance wanted it to stay that way.

"Come along, paladins. We should scout around a bit before we make camp for the night. There are still creatures around here that we should be wary of," Allura said. "Let's split up and fan out. I will go with Pidge."

 

"I call going with Keith!" Hunk said hurriedly. "No offense, Lance, but if something tried to attack us, I think I stand a better chance of surviving if I go with Keith."

Lance couldn't help but laugh at that. It was true. He and Hunk almost always ran away in the face of danger, unlike Keith.

“I will go with Romelle,” Krolia announced.

Someone nudged Lance in the side. "I guess that leaves us together."

Lance looked up to see Shiro. He felt the blood rush out of his face, his laugh ending abruptly.

"And I will stay here, holding down the fort and staying away from the danger that you paladins seem to throw yourselves into on a daily basis," Coran announced triumphantly before scurrying back into the blue lion.

Allura nodded, satisfied with the setup. “We’ll report back in a varga. Pidge and I will go over there.”

“Romelle and I will search that way.” Krolia nodded in the opposite direction of Allura.

With that, Allura and Pidge headed off with Krolia and Romelle following suit.

Shiro turned to Hunk. “Alright, which way are you guys going to go?”

Hunk looked to Keith for an answer.

Keith pointed over his shoulder. “We’ll head that way. You guys check over there.” He gestured ahead of them.

“Alright. See you guys soon.” Shiro started towards the edge of the clearing with Keith mirroring his actions in the opposite direction

Hunk gave Lance a pitying look. “Sorry about you and Shiro having to go together. I should have paired up with _you_ , not Keith.”

“Don’t worry about it, Hunk. I’ll be fine. It’s only a varga, right?” Lance tried not to let any of the worry he was feeling bleed into his voice.

“Yeah,” Hunk said, though he didn’t sound like he believed Lance all that much. He reached out a hand to Lance, trying to offer him a little comfort, but Lance stepped away from him.

“Alright. See you in a varga then.” With that, he turned and followed Shiro towards the forest-like area they were supposed to be scouting.

 

Shiro grunted as he pushed through the dense vegetation, Lance following closely behind. The plants around the clearing had been relatively small, but the further out they’d gone, the taller the plants had grown. Now they were well over Shiro’s head, almost as tall as trees.

Shiro stopped abruptly, panting hard.

“Shiro? Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, sorry. Just need a breather.”

Lance hesitated, watching Shiro as he heaved in a couple breaths.

“Do you want me to be in front now?” Lance asked.

Shiro looked up at him, a soft smile breaking onto his flushed face. “That’d be great. Sorry about this. It’s hard only having one arm. And I’m still getting used to having a body again.”

_...still getting used to having a body again…_ Lance felt something inside him twist at hearing those words. Just another reminder of the Shiro he’d lost. The real Shiro had not only taken his place, but also his body. The disturbing thought made Lance want to gag.

Lance moved around Shiro until he was standing in front. He pulled out his bayard, activating it into broadsword mode. He began cutting his way through the plants, creating a path from them to walk through.

“Wow, this is a much better idea. Great thinking, Lance.”

Lance didn’t reply, scared that if he talked, he would cry again. It hurt to think about his Shiro. It hurt even more to look at Shiro now and see the face of the man he’d loved. He’d been able to push down his feelings for a bit, but now that Shiro had mentioned his “new” body, those feelings had just come rushing back up. It wasn’t Shiro’s fault, of course. He didn’t know how much those words hurt Lance and Lance didn’t want Shiro to feel like he was walking on eggshells around him.

They walked silently for a while, Lance trying to focus on cutting the plants and not on his thoughts.

“I wonder what kind of life could be here,” Shiro said. “It’s really amazing how many other planets can sustain life outside of Earth. We used to think we were alone in the universe, and now we’re seeing all these different worlds with different lifeforms. Isn’t it amazing?”

Lance gave a little hum of acknowledgment but didn’t say anything else. He paused, trying to work his sword through a particularly thick plant stem.

“What do you think the people back on Earth would think about all this? About Voltron? It’s a lot to take in. Imagine what our families must think. I’m sure Mr. Holt’s already told them about us.”

Lance froze, a sudden memory ripping its way into his mind.

_”Do you miss your family?” Shiro asked, his hands laced through Lance’s atop his chest as they lay together._

_Lance pressed himself closer, feeling Shiro’s heartbeat just beneath his palm. “Of course I do. Do you?”_

_Lance felt Shiro’s breath hitch beneath his touch. He glanced up at the other, his head pillowed on Shiro’s shoulder._

_“I- I don’t have any family left.”_

_“Oh. Oh, Shiro. I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” Lance squeezed Shiro’s hand tighter, the metal warm against his skin._

_Shiro pulled Lance flush against him with the arm that was around him. “It’s okay, baby. My parents died in a plane crash when I was 16. I lived with my grandmother for a couple of years, but she passed away when I was 20.”_

_Lance scooted up along Shiro’s side, laying a tiny kiss on Shiro’s collarbone. “You can share my family with me, Takashi. I’m sure they’d love you.”_

_Shiro smiled down at him, the warmth of it filling Lance with happiness. “Alright. You’ll have to introduce me when we go back to Earth.”_

_Lance beamed up at him. “Of course! I can’t wait!”_

_Shiro shifted, rolling onto his side so that he and Lance were laying face-to-face. He pulled Lance into a kiss, slow and soft._

_“I love you.”_

“Our families?” Lance asked bitterly. “I thought you didn’t have any family left.”

Fuck! That’s not what he wanted to say. Here he was, snapping at Shiro because he wasn’t the Shiro that Lance had loved. He was snapping at him for something that was out of his control. He felt like an asshole for bringing up something he _knew_ would hurt Shiro. Maybe a part of him wanted Shiro to feel the pain that he was going through. But that wasn’t right, and Lance knew it. He wanted to swallow the words back, but it was too late.

“What are you talking about? Of course I have family left. _Our_ family, Lance. They live in Cuba. They-”

He stopped, blinking once, twice. “No, wait. What am I talking about? I don’t have any family left.” He laughed uncomfortably. “Sorry, Lance. I think I just got confused for a second there.”

Lance dropped his bayard, the sword sinking into the ground a mere inch from his foot.

“Lance?!”

He was crying. He knew he was crying. He knew he was sobbing ridiculously, his face was probably blotchy and red and snot was probably dripping out of his nose. But he couldn’t stop because- because Shiro- He…

_Our family._

Had he remembered? No. He couldn’t have. This Shiro and his Shiro _weren’t the same person_.

_But they share the same body,_ a part of Lance’s brain whispered to him. A traitorous part.

Shiro reached his hand towards Lance and Lance flinched.

“Don’t touch me!”

Shiro yanked his hand away. “Lance, I don’t understand. Did I do something wrong? Did your sword hurt you? Are you alright?”

“Just… leave me alone.” Lance picked his broadsword up, shrinking it back to bayard form. Then he began shoving his way through the foliage, leaving Shiro behind.

He didn’t stop until he’d reached the end of the forest: a steep cliff overlooking a field of blue flowers. He sank to his knees, feeling the energy draining out of him. The mix of emotions swirling inside of him was confusing and painful and he wished he could just turn them off.

He sat staring out at the flowers for a long while. He knew he’d missed the time that they were supposed to regroup. And when the planet’s sun began to set, he knew he’d missed dinner. 

Lance couldn’t stop the thoughts that were flooding his brain. He couldn’t stop the _memories_ that were flooding into his brain. He wanted to just lay there at the edge of the cliff in peace, but his mind wouldn’t shut up.

_”Lance! What the hell were you thinking?!” Shiro shouted._

_Lance jumped, his eyes widening in surprise at hearing Shiro yell. He opened his mouth to reply, but no words came out._

_Shiro started towards him, a look of pure rage painted across his face. Lance backed up until his knees hit the bed. He sat heavily, Shiro still stalking towards him, full paladin armor still on. Lance felt so small sitting there in only his under-armor, watching Shiro storm towards him._

_He stopped when his feet were touching Lance’s._

_“What were you thinking charging at the Galra by yourself? Were you trying to get yourself killed? Why didn’t you wait for backup?”_

_Lance scrambled to defend himself. “I thought I could take them on by myself! I didn’t think they’d call for reinforcements!”_

_“It doesn’t matter what you thought! Your actions were reckless.”_

_“Shiro, I’m sorry, okay?! Is that what you want me to say?”_

_“NO! I don’t want you to SAY anything! I JUST WANT YOU TO BE SAFE!”_

_Lance stared up at him wide-eyed. Shiro was trembling with rage, practically vibrating in place. He took a deep breath, probably trying to calm himself._

_Shiro knelt down, resting his hand against Lance’s cheek. “I’m sorry for yelling. I just want you to stop putting yourself in danger. I don’t want to lose you, Lance. I can’t bear the thought of something happening to you. Please. Don’t leave me.”_

_“I won’t.”_

_“You promise?”_

_“I promise.”_

In the end, it hadn’t been Lance who had left Shiro, but Shiro who had left Lance.

A rustling behind Lance caught his attention. He sat up, turning towards the sound and activating his bayard. He squinted in the low light, trying to pinpoint the source of the noise.

Suddenly, the plants separated and a figure emerged.

“Shiro? You scared me.” Lance deactivated his bayard, placing it back at his side.

“Hey. We missed you at dinner.” Shiro came to stand near him, looking down at Lance. “Mind if I join you here?”

Lance hesitated for a second before replying, “Go ahead.”

Shiro sat, staring up at the stars as they began to emerge in the now-darkened sky.

“I’m sorry if I said or did something to upset you earlier,” Shiro said.

Lance shook his head. “No. It wasn’t you. Well, not really. I mean, it was you, but it wasn’t you. It was-”

“My clone?”

“Yeah.”

“What happened between you two?”

Lance sucked in a breath.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

“No. No, it’s okay.” Lance turned to look at him. “He used to have nightmares. Would wake up screaming in the middle of the night. Since our rooms are right next to each other, I would hear him, even through my headphones. Sometimes I would go check on him. It was... disturbing to hear.”

Shiro nodded.

“One night, he just wouldn’t stop screaming. I couldn’t wake him up. So I just… held him. And after that, I kept holding him. He stopped having nightmares quite as frequently.”

“What happened after that?”

“Well, I moved into his room. It was nice to not be alone for once, you know? I miss it. We talked about everything, including my family. So when you said that thing about your family being in Cuba, even though your family is gone, I just- I couldn’t stop thinking about that.”

Shiro was silent for a while, the two of them just staring at the stars. A breeze blew over them both, making a shiver run through Lance. He felt so small sitting here with Shiro. It hurt, but he wanted to feel the pain of it. It made him feel real, made him feel alive.

“Were you in love with him?" Shiro asked suddenly, his voice barely above a whisper.

Lance looked at him, surprised, then answered softly, "I was."

Shiro paused for a moment. "Were you in love with me? I mean, before I died?"

Ever softer, "Yes."

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“I know I’m not him. I’m sorry that you lost someone you loved. I know how it feels, and I’m sure having me _wearing_ his body can’t help. I’m sorry that I’m… not him.”

Lance sat up straighter, staring at Shiro in shock. “No, don’t apologize! It’s not your fault. I didn’t know he was a clone. It’s my fault for not being able to get over it.”

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“I- I didn’t want you to worry.”

Shiro leaned over, placing his hand over Lance’s. “It’s okay to feel grief, Lance. You don’t need to keep secrets from me, okay? Don’t ever apologize for feeling sad. I know I’m not him, but you can still talk to me.”

More tears fell from Lance’s eyes as he stared down at where their hands were overlapped.

“I loved him,” he choked out.

“I know.”

“He’s gone.”

Shiro squeezed Lance’s hand. “I know.”

“You’re… not him.”

“I’m not.”

“Do you even have any of his memories?”

Shiro furrowed his brow. “I don’t think so.”

“I’m sorry I tried to treat you like you were him.”

“It’s okay, Lance. I promise you, it’s going to be okay.”

“Promise, huh?”

“Yes. I promise.”

Lance sniffled, wiping his nose with his free hand. “Okay. Thank you, Shiro.”

They sat like that for a short while longer, just comforting one another. And for the first time since his Shiro’s death, Lance didn’t feel quite so alone.


	5. The Healing

Lance hefted the pile of grasses higher, spitting out a stray strand that had somehow gotten into his mouth. 

“Kaltenecker, I hope you appreciate all that I do for you,” he grumbled.

Kaltenecker mooed from her position near the red lion. Lance dumped the pile of grasses next to her, brushing off the extra ones that had adhered to his shirt. Kaltenecker gave another moo before ambling closer to the grass pile and eating her fill.

“I only do this because I love you,” Lance said gently, patting Kaltenecker on the head.

“Talking to the cow again, Lance?” a voice came from behind him.

Lance spun around, glaring at Keith. “What’s it to you?”

“Are you really that lonely?”

Lance pouted, “Maybe I am, Mullet. You gonna keep me company?”

Keith laughed, “I doubt you’d want me to.”

“You’re right. Kaltenecker is a better listener than you.”

Keith uncrossed his arms and strode over to Lance. “Is she?”

“Yes.”

“Can I tell her a secret then?”

Lance raised an eyebrow. “You… want to tell the cow a secret? What could you possibly tell her? That you’re a moody half-Galra man?”

Keith huffed, not answering him. He leaned down to Kaltenecker and stage-whispered, “Hey, Kaltenecker, did you know that Lance is the worst pilot I’ve ever met?”

Lance placed a hand over his chest in mock offense. “Keith! Wow! I thought we had a bonding moment!”

“You said you didn’t remember that!”

“I don’t.”

“What?! Then how-”

A voice interrupted Keith in the middle of his sentence. “Are you guys fighting again?”

Lance spun around to see Shiro striding towards them. He stopped next to Lance, laying his hand on his shoulder. “Would you look at this. The paladins of Voltron, having a petty argument.”

“It’s not petty!” Keith insisted, “Lance lied!” He pointed at Lance, a petulant pout on his face. He looked like a young child tattling to his school teacher and Lance couldn’t help but laugh at the sight.

Shiro simply turned to Lance, raising an eyebrow.

Lance blushed sheepishly under his gaze. “I- uh- I may or may not remember a certain bonding moment.”

“Is that what this is about? That happened ages ago. Even longer for you, Keith.”

“It’s about the principal of the situation,” Keith muttered, his arms now crossed over his chest.

“It’s about the principal of the situation,” Lance mimicked mockingly.

“Lance…” Shiro admonished. He gave Lance’s shoulder a gentle squeeze, silently telling him to stop.

Lance did, but he still looked at Keith with a smirk on his face.

“Come on, you guys. Let’s get out there and do what we’re supposed to be doing. We’ve got to gather enough supplies to sustain us for the next leg of the journey,” Shiro said.

“Yeah, yeah. We got it, Shiro,” Keith mumbled. He turned tail, walking off to join Hunk in gathering edible plants and fruit. Hunk was holding up a large, mango-like fruit, examining it for nicks and imperfections.

Lance began to follow him but Shiro stopped him, squeezing his shoulder again.

“Lance. Can I talk to you real quick?”

Lance supposed he didn’t have much choice, seeing as Shiro was holding on to his shoulder. “Sure. What’s up?”

“Could we go somewhere more private?” Shiro asked, finally releasing Lance from his hold.

Lance nodded. “Would Red be okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, of course.”

Lance nodded again and made his way up into Red, Shiro close behind him. Red hummed slightly as they climbed into her cockpit. Lance turned to face Shiro as she closed her mouth.

“So what did you want to talk about?”

Shiro wrung his hands together, his eyes looking anywhere but Lance’s face. “About the other night… When we were sitting on the cliff?”

“Yeah? What about it?”

“I- I said I didn’t remember anything that my clone did. But I think… I think I kind of do now.”

Lance’s eyebrows shot up. “You remember everything? Do you remember… us?”

“Well, not exactly. It’s like a dream more than a memory. I remember snippets of things, I think. I remember when you first woke me up from a nightmare-”

_”Shiro? Shiro, are you okay?” Lance asked, knocking lightly on the black paladin’s door._

_A scream came from the other side of the door. Guttural. Primal. **Scared.**_

_“Shiro!” Lance knocked louder, but no answer._

_He felt wrong just barging into Shiro’s room, but it didn’t feel right to just leave. Something could be seriously wrong. Someone could have gotten into Shiro’s room. Maybe it was an intruder! Or maybe the castle was trying to kill them again! Maybe-_

_His thoughts came to a sudden halt when he opened the door to find Shiro still asleep in bed._

_“Shiro?” he called out again._

_Shiro’s blanket was twisted around his feet, half of it on the ground. He was on his side, his Galra hand fisted in his pillow. He thrashed violently, another scream ripping its way from his throat._

_A nightmare. He was having a nightmare._

_Lance rushed to Shiro’s side, kneeling down next to him. He placed a tentative hand on Shiro’s shoulder, not wanting to startle him._

_“Shiro. Shiro, wake up.” He squeezed Shiro’s shoulder, shaking him gently._

_Shiro heaved, his eyes shooting open. They were unfocused and glassy as he blinked awake._

_“Lance?” he croaked out, his voice scratchy from screaming._

_“Are you okay?” Lance soothed a hand up and down Shiro’s Galra arm._

_“What- What’s going on?” Shiro sat up and Lance removed his hand. Shiro glanced around the room as if reorienting himself with his surroundings._

_“You were screaming. I could hear you even with my headphones on. Did you have a nightmare?”_

_Shiro rubbed a hand over his face, sighing heavily. “Yeah. Sorry I woke you. I’ve been having nightmares about my time with the Galra more and more, lately. I just- I didn’t know I was screaming in my sleep.”_

_“Shiro…”_

_“Thanks for waking me up. I’ll be fine now.”_

_“But-”_

_“I’ll be fine, Lance. Don’t worry about me. Why don't you head back to bed. We have training early in the morning.”_

_Lance shook his head. “Shiro, I can't just leave you after you woke up from a nightmare so horrible it made you scream. Don't you want to talk about it? It might help if you talk about it.”_

_“I- Well… okay. If you think it’ll help.”_

_Lance straightened up, sitting on his knees. “My mom says that talking things through helps get them out of your system.”_

_Shiro smiled tiredly, “I hope your mom is right.”_

“-and when we-” Shiro flushed. “-when we kissed for the first time.”

_Lance pushed against the frame of the bed, shoving it closer to Shiro’s._

_“Are you sure you’re okay with this, Lance?” Shiro asked, grunting as he helped scoot the heavy bed across the floor._

_“I practically sleep in here anyway. It’d be nice to have more room to spread out, don’t you think?”_

_Shiro hummed his agreement as they finally got the two beds flush against one another._

_“Whose bright idea was it to make metal bed frames?” Lance panted. He wiped his brow dramatically, shooting Shiro a sheepish grin._

_“God, you’re beautiful,” Shiro breathed._

_Lance let out what could only be described as a squeak. “What?!”_

_“I said, **God, you’re beautiful**.”_

_“Shiro!” Lance squealed, his face going beet red. He covered his face with his hands, unable to look at Shiro because what he said was SO embarrassing!_

_Shiro chuckled at his shyness, moving to stand in front of him. He took each of Lance’s hands in his, prying them away from his face._

_“You’re so cute when you’re embarrassed,” Shiro cooed._

_Lance flushed even harder if that was even possible. He squirmed, trying to get away from Shiro’s eyes on him, seeing him blushing so hard._

_Shiro leaned in, his face hovering mere inches away from Lance’s. “Can I kiss you?”_

_Lance felt like the wind had just been knocked out of him, but he managed to breathe out a faint “Yes”._

_Shiro closed the small distance between them, his lips brushing over Lance’s briefly before pulling away again._

_Lance squeezed Shiro’s hands in his. “I think you’re beautiful, too.”_

“Most of all, I remember when I-” Shiro squeezed his eyes shut, his fist clenching at his side. “When I hurt you. When I punched you. When Haggar- when she-”

“Wait, what?!” Lance interrupted. “Haggar? What are you talking about?”

Shiro’s eyes flew open. “When Haggar took over me. I mean… him. When she forced me- us?- to attack you. It’s… it’s awful. I know it’s not my memory, but it still- it hurts so much to think about.”

“Haggar… took over you? I mean, your clone? But- he- Wasn’t he evil?”

Shiro shook his head vigorously. “No! Not at all. He was _me_ , as far as I can tell. But she... Haggar... she must have done something to him. He didn’t want to hurt you, Lance. I know that much. And I know that I- I don’t want to hurt you either.”

Lance had no words. He couldn’t comprehend this new information. His Shiro hadn’t been evil. He’d just been mind controlled by Zarkon’s witch. And he hadn’t wanted to hurt Lance. He hadn’t wanted any of this.

Lance had thought he was over crying for his Shiro, but apparently not. New fresh tears spilled down his cheeks, his body shaking but no sound escaping him.

“Lance?”

“He didn’t want to hurt me,” Lance sobbed out.

“He didn’t.”

“Did he love me? Was any of that real? Or was he just under Haggar’s control the whole time?! Was it fake? A ploy to infiltrate the team?!”

“No, Lance! Of course he loved you. You must have meant so much to him. His memories of you live on in this body, in _my_ body. _His_ body. He loved you.” Shiro took one of Lance’s hands into his. “I know I’m not him and I can’t speak for him. But these memories, however foggy they may be, they truly show just how much he loved you.”

Lance squeezed Shiro’s hand, the sobs petering off into silent tears that racked his body. “I don’t- I- Shiro. I lost him.”

“Lance. Look at me.”

Lance blinked, looking up at Shiro through the tears still in his eyes.

“He may be gone, but his memories are still here, inside me. And the memories of him are inside _you_. We will get through this. We will heal. And maybe someday… Maybe- Maybe I can learn to love you like he did.” Shiro’s voice quieted, his eyes searching Lance’s face.

The air left Lance’s body, his head spinning with Shiro’s words. “What?”

Shiro grasped Lance’s hand even tighter. “He loved you so much, Lance. His feelings for you were so genuine and so _raw_. And now his memories are mine. Those feelings of his, well, I don’t feel them the same way he did. All I have are the memories of those emotions. But I still feel that… love? Affection? And I don’t think that that feeling is entirely a memory. I think it’s been there for a while, Lance.”

Lance was speechless. He could only repeat, “What?”

Shiro let out a soft chuckle. “I think I’ve liked you for a while. Long before my clone realized it. Long before even _I_ realized it. When we were sitting on that cliff together, I think I finally noticed how I felt about you. I don’t expect an answer right away, but if it’s something you’d be willing to do, I really want to try falling in love with you. This time as myself and not as a clone.”

Lance sputtered, new tears brimming in his eyes.

Shiro continued, “But if it’s not something you’re comfortable with, I’d be fine with that. You’ll still have your memories of him, and I’ll have my memories of the two of you; of us. But, I know that he was as much me as I am him. And I know that he loved you. So that must mean that I have that potential, too. What do you say, Lance?”

Lance sniffled, bringing up his free hand to rub at his eyes, now puffy and red from crying. “I loved him. I love you. I don’t want you to feel pressured into this, though. You don’t have to pretend to be him just to make me happy.” Lance’s voice broke on the last word.

“No, of course not! What you guys had… that was your relationship. That was special. That’s not something that can ever be replaced or something that should ever be replaced. I don’t want to try and replace that time or those memories. But I do want to make new memories. I want to create a new future for us.”

Lance worried his lip between his teeth. “I don’t know, Shiro. It just… it feels like it’s too soon.”

Shiro nodded, releasing Lance’s hand and pulling him into a brief hug instead. “I don’t need an answer today. I just want you to think about it. And if you decide that it’s not something you want, I’ll respect your decision.”

Shiro stepped back. “I know this isn’t easy for you and I’m sorry if I’m putting more stress on you. I just want you to be happy, Lance. And if I can be a part of that happiness, I’d love to be.” With that, Shiro left Red.

Lance sighed shakily, sinking down into the pilot’s seat. Shiro was right. He could heal from this. He could learn to be okay again. After that, he could learn to be happy with Shiro. He knew it wasn’t going to be a replacement for his old relationship. But this was a chance for something new, a second chance. Lance wanted it. Fuck, how _he wanted it_.

And it felt freeing to know that his Shiro hadn't been evil. He was gone, yes, but that didn't mean that Lance's hopes for the future were gone with him.

A smile tugged at the corners of Lance’s mouth. He felt hopeful. He would heal. He would be happy on his own. And after that, he would go to Shiro and tell him, “Yes. I want you, and I want this. I love you.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you add me on [Snapchat](https://www.snapchat.com/add/ztnbooks), I'll add you back and you can yell at me about Voltron. If you have any questions/comments, leave them down below. I always reply to comments ^-^.


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